Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
