So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
