I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
