I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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