And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize