Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
