is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
