I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
