we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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