Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All the doctor said was why
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
