he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize