I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
