that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
