Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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