every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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