so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
