you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
