At least make sure they are 18
Why
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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