Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
