Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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