Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
