drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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