here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
