....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
