my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
