I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
