She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
