Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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