"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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