brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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