just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
