Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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