I wish I could teleport
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
