What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
