I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
