You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
