but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
