It's Friday. Sex?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
