Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
