I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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