I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
