she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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