I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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