I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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