She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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