We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
