I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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