...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
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going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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