So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
