You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize