So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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