Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
