I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
