I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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