no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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