yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
