I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
