3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
