There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
