My room smells like vodka and shame
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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